Do You Feel Fantastic?
Jeremy got out of bed with his head spinning, his ears still filled with the music from his dream. He would make that music real, but something got him out of bed and he had to figure out what it was first. It was late in the afternoon, the evening haze was beginning to fall and everything outside the windows seemed gray. “Why did I wake up?” he thought, and then he heard it again.
”Jeremy? I need you,” his mother was calling from downstairs.
His left leg was still numb from having slept wrong. He limped out of his room, kicking some books out of his way. The room was a real mess, he would have to clean it up one day. He got downstairs.
”Jeremy,” she called.
”I’m coming!” he was right outside her door.
”No, don’t come in,” she said. “Forget it, I shouldn’t oughtta make such a fuss."
"Mom, I’m coming in.”
She was in bed, her face was puffy and covered in sweat and tears. Everything stank, her blankets, the bed, even the curtains.
”Please,” she covered her face with her hands, “Leave. I feel terrible."
"Come on, mom. Have you been taking your pain meds?"
"Yes, they don’t work anymore. I think I’m really going to die soon."
"Mom, don’t say that. Never say that."
"Jeremy, don’t be scared,” she sat up and looked him in the eye. He thought she must have been really beautiful sometime, but he could not remember her that way. Not any longer. “Jeremy, listen to me. Death is natural and life is part of it. But life itself is an aberration, you see. A cosmic mistake. Living cells trap the soul. The jelly that forms our eyes, it keeps us from seeing. It distorts. But when we die,” she gasped, she looked really happy, staring at him through tears of joy, “When we die we will fly up high. Way, way above the gray smoke of human industry, way up where you can no longer hear the machines make their ungodly noise. They can replace us all down here for all I care. Up there we are all together, flying around in the endless blue. My daddy is there, and your daddy, Jeremy. And nobody is ever angry, or sick, or confused."
"Stop it, mom."
"You were just confused, Jeremy. It’s not your fault. But it’s going to be okay now. It’s going to be okay when I die. I will be waiting for you, you see?”
He was quiet for a while, looking down at his feet. Then he said: “You want some soup, mom?"
"No, thank you. You run along and do your homework. Be a good boy."
"Yes, mom.”
Back in his room upstairs, he looked outside the window. There were dead leaves in the backyard. They made no sense, but he tried to find meaning for them. He kept staring at them until the light of day died.
Posted by: Paweł Kowaluk