Spider Mutant
As you know, the recent nuclear war did a number on our neighborhood. It is nowhere near the wonderful community it used to be. Granted, bombs didn’t fall anywhere near us (no strategic targets!) but radiation did reach us eventually. And, as you know, most of the neighbors died from the radiation itself, or the hunger, or the fighting. When everything settled, two groups remained: those that didn’t mutate, and… Well, I ended up in the other group. As you know.
Forgive me if I sound cavalier, or in other words too relaxed, about this, but I think this is part of my mutation. More on that later.
Just to put this into words, I mutated into a spider-like form. That is, speaking in broad strokes. I do have the eight limbs (legs? arms?) and a pear-shaped body, with just the remains of a human head. But my skin is not chitin like a bug’s, it’s still fleshy and pink, with some stretch marks and some hairs.
The process was slow and painful, mostly emotionally. Amid the hunger and the despair, I tried to feed and defend my family, and keep a semblance of civilized life. On top of that, every morning when I looked into the mirror, I discovered new and horrific ways my body was degenerating. And every day, the fear in the eyes of others grew. Gradually, I withdrew from society both emotionally and physically. I’m sure you can imagine how all that went.
Eventually, my skin became very sensitive to light, so I moved to my basement, and then started burrowing tunnels in the rich soil underneath the neighborhood.
You see, I never knew much about mutations and I don’t know if I will ever learn more, given the circumstances. For example, I did not know one can change into a new form in the course of their life. I thought new generations are born altered, and the most an adult can count on is a slow and painful death. Yet, here I am, like in a movie: used to be a man, now I am a spider.
My mutation also has a psychological component, and that is the most interesting part for me. Because what does it mean for a man to become a spider? Does one take on some traits of spider personality, whatever that would be? You see, before all this, I never considered myself to be the life and soul of the party. I never organized barbecues, though I did attend them, never went clubbing, or partying. But I did enjoy the company of others. I guess evolutionary psychologists would say that humans evolved as social animals and they need other humans to be happy.
Well, all that ended for me. Now I enjoy darkness and loneliness. I truly enjoy them. I guess you could say spiders are not social animals but lone predators. Note that I did not specifically mention any other people in my account so far. Not by name. That is because they seem like very distant memories to me. Both neighbors (Ms. Rosa, Mr. Stockton , etc.) and family (my wife Emily, our children Sally and Tony) seem like they were only provisionally connected to me. That life is finished now and there is no part left in my brain that misses it. No part that would like to go back.
No part that considers myself a monster, either. (Do you consider _your_self a monster?)
But this makes me think: what does keep society together? Is it religion? Law? Tradition? Or are these things mere symptoms of the way the human brain works? Oh, forgive me if I sound carnal, but I am, after all, a naked animal in the dark. Literally.
I do still like music, though. I also like eating those giant earthworms that you find in the ground these days. They are not much, but they are succulent and seem to be just what my body needs.
What I don’t like is uninvited guests poking around in my tunnels. They should know to mind their own business. Sometimes I get very angry at them and I can’t be held responsible for what happens to them.
And so here we are, you and me. I hope you understand now.
Posted by: Paweł Kowaluk