The Exalted One
I woke up and I knew immediately it was going to be a horrible day.
”Father, father,” my apprentice screamed as he came running into my bedroom, “It’s raining snakes."
"Again?” I cursed under my breath. I looked out the window, the sky was dark and scaly reptiles were falling in medium to large numbers. The sound they made as they hit the ground was a bit unsettling, but at least most of them died on impact. The beginnings of an interdimensional portal were appearing above the center of town.
I called a special gathering at the temple and loudspeakers announced it around town, but people knew to come anyway. The mayor was there, he shook my hand and rolled his eyes. “Same damn thing again,” he murmured, “Will this never end?"
"There are no ends to human wickedness, but none to God’s forgiveness either.”
Prominent citizens were taking seats in the front tow, nodding somberly as they sat down. The owner of the factory noticed there was a tiny dead snake on his shoulder, so he threw it off with disgust. His wife hurried to clean his lapel with a handkerchief.
”Dearly beloved,” I began, “We gather here today on this illustrious day when God reveals his presence to us again, putting our uncertainty and disbelief to rest. But He is also angry with us. The mighty Lord saw the wickedness of our hearts. He saw that even though we know He is the Lord, we still disobey his sacred laws,” and I continued in the same vain for a few minutes, before we went on to hymns. We started with Amazing Grace and went through Thy Hallowed Heart, Let it Shine, and Illustrious Glory, before the beginnings of another interdimensional portal appeared in our temple, above the altar and behind my back. This one was similar to the one above town, only smaller.
I stepped down to join my parish. I got all the altar boys to kneel, all parishioners to stand up, and the organ player to play the invocation. I addressed God in all the superlatives I could muster and apologized for my race’s wretched state.
The portal began to widen and revealed the other side, a sky made out of pure chaos. Angels of all form and shape reeled around a majestic cloud, screamed their songs like multiple choruses of sepulchral birds, and their voices drowned out my prayers. The cloud approached the portal (or the portal approached the cloud) and the heavenly smell of an unearthly nature overwhelmed us. People covered their faces. Some began to scream, in heavenly ecstasy, I presume.
Then the cloud parted and the face of our Lord appeared.
”We love you, our God, for thou art good,” I pleaded. People around started screaming similar things. Nobody dared to move.
Our God opened His mouth. Tentacles of purest gold shot out and wrapped themselves around several sinners. We all froze, listening to the sacred roar for a few painful seconds. Nobody moved except for the selected sinners, who wrestled with the Godly appendages.
And then they were sucked in and the portal closed. Everything was silence.
I was the first to speak: “Blessed are those who will be purified, for God is good.”
And the crowd murmured “Amen.”
Posted by: Paweł Kowaluk