Humans

Humans were a carbon-based life form which arose in the Original Solar System (space coordinates 0,0,0) sometime before recorded history began. They stood upright on two leg appendages and had two arm appendages (i.e., arms) which split into finger appendages towards the end. Their anus was located in the lower section of the torso at the intersection of their leg appendages. It consisted of a meaty muscular cover which could be closed by clenching and an interesting pipe-like part that led into the digestive tract. It was mostly used for removing solid waste from the body, though liquid waste and other substances were sometimes excreted. The anus was covered by fabric and its existence was often hidden from others, even members of the same race who were sure to know it existed anyway.

Human culture was not completely uninteresting, especially the obsessive secret-keeping around excrement. Humans would leave the company of others to defecate in isolation, at the same time trying to mask the noises and smells associated with the process. As an ironic twist, they often included defecation rooms in close vicinity of their living quarters, places of public gathering (stores, airports, schools) and places where they consumed food (restaurants, bars, churches). They also had special places for passing physical gas out of the anus known as “gas stations.” Special lit-up boards outside these stations showed numbers which reflected the state of the economy.

Human technology was also interesting, as it led to their spread across the galaxy. It also led to the spread of their fixation on poop and fart jokes to other galactic cultures.

Some say they are our forefathers in more than just a cultural sense.

Posted by: Paweł Kowaluk