The Chamber of Mystery
Archbishop Cavalieri was in attendance of the Pope for the week. He just entered the papal chambers with this morning’s newspapers (all mention of pedophilia in the Church removed) to discover His Holiness was nowhere to be found, but his bed had been moved to the side to reveal a secret passage. Determined, Archbishop Cavalieri proceeded down the secret stairway, dropping the papers onto the stone floor.
The stairway led to a place he only knew from secret history books. It was the Labyrinth of Worry, which stretched its tentacles below Rome and was one of Vatican’s most heavily guarded secrets. Legend has it was was built by the first Pope in history, Thomas I, a.k.a. Thomas the Puzzle.
Remembering his training in all the prayers of the world, Archbishop Cavalieri recited the Holy Epithet in his mind and took a turn at each cue word: “Holy Father, who art righteous, and at Whose right sits the Son of Man, He who hath not left us in times of worry…” and so on. Finally, he got to the legendary Throneroom of Trial and found the guardian puzzle had been solved and the passage onward was open.
”I am afraid our worse fears have come true,” he whispered to himself. No time to warn the others, he had to proceed.
He passed the Canals of Tears (the puzzle-gate had been opened and the road led on), the Underground Cliff of Saint James (the bridge unblocked), the Cells of the Martyr (padlock removed), the Engine Room of Our Lord the Clock Maker (the automaton disabled), and so on. After almost an hour of frantic chase, Archbishop Cavalieri reached the Chamber of Mystery where the passage to the Tabernacle lay. He held his breath. The door to the holiest of holies was unlocked. He pulled out his Vatican-issue silenced pistol and dove into the darkness.
”Ah, Cavalieri,” said the Pope in Italian with a strong foreign accent, “I’ve been expecting you.”
The Pope was standing in the middle of the room, his hands on the ancient cloth of the Tabernacle.
”Your Holiness,” said Archbishop Cavalieri sarcastically, “So it has come to pass? I’m afraid I cannot let you carry out your plan."
"You have let one of my kind to become Pope. I’m afraid you’ve already lost. Now I will do what you have feared over all the ages. I am actually an atheist posing as a Pope. And I will kill God."
"No, you will not,” Cavalieri discharged his pistol with surgical precision. Three well aimed shots, one to the neck and two to the head. The only sure way to kill a Pope. Drilled into him over the years of Church training designed with this particular scenario in mind.
The Pope stumbled. He was already dead, even though his body had not realized it yet. He fell. He dragged the holy cloth down with him.
Archbishop Cavalieri gasped.
The Tabernacle, the very heart of God, had been dead already. It did not beat, it just lay there in its silver cage, all black and rotten.
Archbishop Cavalieri, God’s servant of more than sixty years, wept and fell to his knees. But then a glimmer of recognition sparked in his eye. “So, we’ve been running the whole show ourselves all this time? Interesting.”
His maniacal laughter echoed in the black labyrinth.
Posted by: Paweł Kowaluk